I guess I blew it today. I was an utter failure. Suddenly I realized I was clueless on what was going on in the newsletter. I wanted to evaporate - no! - dissolve to the floor. I wished that the floor would magically crack and eat me. When I look at the newsletter, I could see the boss' face. Suddenly the paragraphs get jumbled and some just get blurred. I was reading, and I was not reading. I don't know what was happening to me. I can't seem to wake my mind up. It seemed like it was in a trance - mesmerized would be a comedy. My fingers got numbed and I was like "where are the number keys?" and "is this the enter key, is this the spacebar?" Aaarrrgh! Function, Sheryl, function! I silently screamed to myself. For now, I need a good cry. I knew I blew it, it was pure obvious. I knew he wanted me to speak up but my brain's running around in my head that I couldn't seem to catch the words there. There was even a time when I just did the sign language. It's okay that I wouldn't be promoted, I didn't ask for it anyway. I knew it would just mean added torture and the last thing I need right now is torture. I'm still groveling on the ground from the disastrous 2006. They thought I was ready. But I proved them wrong. I know I'm doing quite well with my current position but I also know when I am not ready. But there I was still in the torture chamber with the boss barking on my poor, emptied head. His mere presence is enough to scare all my wits away. I guess I'm overstating this part. But it was pure torture. I wish I'll get over it. Well, I will… after a good cry and I hope it would be enough not to put myself on vacation. When stress gets its ugly claws on me, I'd have LBM or worse… I vomit.

Was this part of the job description? There was a phrase in the company's ad saying: be able to handle pressure. I guess it meant just that. Anyway, I guess (again) that was my moment to screw up. The boss wasn't really that bad. If I didn't want to be placed under a microscope, they wouldn't know what I can and cannot do. It could also mean that I create my own company and torture my workers in revenge… bwahaha. What did I learn in this experience? Take a breathing exercise and, it takes a good friend to ease your frazzled nerves. I'm just glad about one thing: I didn't faint.

The world I'm in is not an easy world.  There's time pressure and demands to be met.  Multi-tasking is like sitting in front of TV.  But I did learn a lot about that editing session.  As an editor, I can do so much for a story.  The boss wasn't really bad.  In fact, I'm hoping to have his brains someday.  And I'm not talking about having them on the table.  I want to be as knowledgeable as him.  Well, I'm still young.  There's so much time.  Anyway, I told the boss the session was scary, but admitted that it helped me... a lot.

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